Kinda funny. Kinda not.

I sent my landlord's lackey, Wayne, an e-mail earlier to alert him that I would be moving out of the apartment Pickle and I rented. I wanted to find out if I needed to fill out any papers or anything, in the event Pickle had another mid-life something and decided to bounce without paying rent. I didn't want to be held liable. I'd rather just walk away and never look back.

Wayne called and told me there is a $250 administrative fee to get my name off the lease. I told him for that price, it'd stay there unless the Pickle wants to pay for it.

He asked what I was going to do and I told him I wasn't sure yet. I was thinking to go back to Florida or NY. He said, why not stay in PA. I told him I'd need a better job. He offered to call in some favors from a large publishing company in the area. This struck me as really weird, being as he's only met me once - quite briefly - and that seems like really going out of the way for a virtual stranger/tenant.

So he asks me what happened. I give him the long and short of it.

Pickle used me while we lived together in Florida, I funded his move back up North, then he decided we don't have anything in common and dumped me (after putting me through an emotional rollercoaster of breakups all spring and summer).

Wayne, who is an overweight, almost bald, middle-aged man, said that men like Pickle are the reason good women 'go bad.' They get sick of being mistreated and these experiences make it harder for nice guys, like Wayne, because by then women have a very low opinion of the male species.

He asked if I wanted to meet up and 'talk' about what he can do to help me and as I politely declined, I chided myself for being such an asshole, thinking that the guy was hitting on me. I mean, hey, it IS possible that some people are just nice. Right?

So I check my e-mail (cause Wayne told me he had written back) and this is what Wayne wrote in response to my initial e-mail about getting my name off the lease:

Amanda......wrote you a long noite and lost it so...dont want to write it all again...basically it said..I am so sorry..never would have suspected anything....does this mean you're single??what can I do for you? Will bill let you off the lease? If so, there will be a 250 rfoommate move out fee..if NOTmmyou are on the lease for the duration (6 months).....would you like to discuss in person?? Wayne

After reading this e-mail, I begin to think that the phone conversation wasn't quite so innocent. I mean, asking if I'm single...Hmmm....

But then, I think I'm really a douche. He's just a nice man and I should be grateful that someone wants to help me.

Wayne calls back and tells me he has a two bedroom apartment 'with all the amenities' and I'm welcome to stay there 'no strings attached' if I want to get away from Pickle. Need I say, this was a very awkward conversation.

In fact, I believe one word sums it up: CREEPY