This isn't a blog so much as me alternately gloating and feeling guilty...
I can't help but feel awful because I'm slightly glad that the Pickle was just laid off from his job.
Alright, maybe I'm more than slightly glad, as in gleeful. And this, of course, makes me feel like an awful curmudgeonly dragon.
It's just, during the last six months while I searched for a job something akin to decent, he sat back and watched critically. I'm one of those people that naturally expect a lot from themselves and when I fail to deliver - I kick my own ass - I didn't need him to do it too. What I did need was to feel like I could lean on him. He dropped me.
In a way, I feel like maybe karma has come to kick him in the ass. To show him, quite literally, what I went through...though I didn't have my parents living a block away, ready and able to feed and clothe and comfort me. I only had him. And he didn't provide much by way of comfort, though he did begrudgingly feed me and pay the rent (which, I did while we lived in Florida - without making him feel awful about it).
I also think it's ironic that he blamed his bad attitude during our relationship on the job - and now that I am gone, so is the job that caused us to break up. Although, that is over-simplifying things. While I DO think that if you are miserable at work it can carry over into your personal life, I also think that if he really wanted this to work between us - he would have overcome it. It was a crutch. One he doesn't need now that I'm out of the picture.
I do feel bad for him, really. I know that it IS scary not to know how you will be able to keep a roof over your head and food in your tummy. Hell, I'm still not really there yet myself as I'm technically homeless. But part of me really resents how he acted towards me.
And the part of me that still cares for him is a little, teensy bit worried about him. Hoping that he will be okay. That he won't suffer as much as I did. That he'll find his way and end up happy. As long as he's humbled in the process....
3 comments:
Yep, yep... time for a taste of some humble pie. I hope he likes them apples... sigh. I do feel bad for him as well, but it just goes to show that Karma is a real bitch.
Love ya!
wow keep on writing
Maybe if I'm really lucky he'll come back to Florida and end up on the street and I can piss on a dollar bill and give it to him... if he's willing to pick it up the ground with his mouth.
If he cheats and tries to grab it, I'm stomping his fingers. :-)
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